The Antisocial Socialist

 I vacillate wildly between abject terror and—that other thing. It's neither relief nor hope, but rather a belief in a set of steps that need to be taken to reorganize our world in a way that is sustainable and just. 

I woke up with a panic attack. The school closure thing hit me really hard.* I don't know if they're going to let us back in three weeks, to be honest.

Then I saw the picture of Bolsonaro in the hospital and I thought, well, he can't commit genocide against Indigenous peoples or burn down the Amazon right now, which is a good thing for said Indigenous people and those of us who enjoy breathing.**

And then I thought, what if my cats get sick(er)? Can I ensure that I have an adequate supply of Cocoa's kidney food? What if there's an emergency? Will the vets all be closed?

Even if younger, healthy people are mostly safe, there are many people in my life who are neither young nor healthy.

I always fantasize about having unstructured time off where I can just rest. I guess I'm getting it now. But that only works in contrast to the rest of the world proceeding as normal.

When this is over, am I even going to emerge into a world that requires my skillset?

I mean. I have anxiety. It's protected me up until last night, because I was so worried about other things that this whole thing registered as an Over There Problem. But it's finally hit me where I live in a very real way.

* This is the first thing the provincial government has done right and was absolutely the correct call. But I have serious doubts about their motivations for doing it, and their capacity to navigate a real crisis, because they are utter incompetents.
** Apparently the photo is from another time he was in the hospital. But he is being monitored for it. Regardless, he's probably too busy to do a genocide right now.