The Antisocial Socialist

outcastspice found this bit of hilarity from the National Socialist Post,* along with Jezebel's response. And because I can never pass up an opportunity to mock the National Socialist Post, let's take a closer look!

If the reports are to be believed, Women's Studies programs are disappearing at many Canadian universities. Forgive us for being skeptical. We would wave good-bye without shedding a tear, but we are pretty sure these angry, divisive and dubious programs are simply being renamed to make them appear less controversial.

Well, it turns out that our friends here don't actually support capitalism as much as they claim to. Because, as a general rule, universities don't really offer programs that no one takes, so presumably, there are students who wish to take Women's Studies courses and are paying for that privilege, and hence the universities offer them, and this sort of concession to supply and demand cannot be tolerated.

Who has an anti-feminist bingo card on them? Tick off "angry," and wait until you see the next paragraph.

( this could get long )

I made a fantastic discovery today in the waiting room at my doctor's office: Women's Post. I assume it's put out by the National Socialist Post, maybe. Anyway, I picked up the latest issue, noting that it was much lighter and thinner than serious Posts like the Financial Post. You know, business publications for men.

But anyway, it looked like interesting reading, not because I'm particularly interested in business matters (those hurt my fluffy little female brain) but because I'm still looking for a stylish three-piece suit that will fit me, and I thought it might have information on that. Also because I was in a waiting room. I was not put off by the typographic catastrophe that was the front cover (note: you can do smart quotes on the internets, even, let alone in a print publication)—after all, perhaps a serious magazine about serious businesswomen wouldn't pay attention to a trifling matter like the design of the fucking masthead.

Anyway, it turned out to have no information on suits at all, and very little information on business, but it had a lot of other fun stuff. Like the editorial. The ahem editor of the paper was going on about how great her marriage and how women and men think differently and oh did she mention how great her marriage was? Because it's great. Right at the end she talked about how she asked her husband if it was okay if she ran for mayor. (Presumably, he said, "sure, honey.")

Feminism has triumphed, people. These newfangled womenfolk have the moxie to ask their husbands if they can run for mayor. You've come a long way baby.

The second article was even better. It was about how happy this woman was that she found a plastic surgeon that she felt comfortable with.

There was also a neat article about some new conservative blog with a photo of a grafittied wall (with a credit to Creative Commons, no less; looks like anarchism, smells like Randroid bullshit). I didn't know that the right supported vandalism now. It was followed by an incoherent screed about Michael Ignatieff and Canada's health care system and how the author predicted that Obama's approval rating will dip to 35% in December. (Note that it's 56% right now.)

By page 16, there was an article from some dude about the virtues of womanhood. Then there were some fluff articles about someone's pets and some other dude's kids. I guess there wasn't much more to write about women and business. Oh, and two pages about some book on fuzzy-wuzzy Christianity. And for whatever reason, an article about an obscure bookstore that I actually like. (Turns out it was written by the bookstore owner's brother.)

Anyway, it's a great read if you're bored in a waiting room or really into vomiting, or both. You should check it out.

Hey guys, look up! I'm no longer friends only. I'm friends mostly. I'm going back and making old entries public again. I feel far more democratic that way. So we're down to a Yellow/Orange alert now. It doesn't quite look as dramatic as my last f/o banner, though.

Anyway, Bugmenot.com isn't letting me into the National Post today, which is too bad; it looks like they have some utterly hilarious articles today. The photo gracing the cover today was possibly the most unflattering picture of Hugo and Fidel they could possibly find. The headline: A NEW THREAT IN LATIN AMERICA--AND HE'S GOT OIL.

Um...yeah, the Venezuelans have oil. Always have. The only difference is that now they're allowed to use a bit of the money they get from selling the oil. OH TEH NOOOES!

The article went on to talk about How Chavez Became Like Castro (I'm not exaggerating). Apparently they're exactly the same (even though Chavez was democratically elected...repeatedly) because they both used to be baseball players or something. In other news, they both speak Spanish.*

There's that word again -- the favourite word of the neo-cons. Threat. Because as much as I like him, a sensible person would probably conclude that Chavez is pretty harmless as far as world leaders go. I mean, that Pat Robertson guy? A little unhinged and homicidal. But Chavez? You'd have to be doing some fancy fabrications to convince anyone that he's a danger to Canada. (Then again, the National Post isn't a Canadian paper; it's an American paper published in Canada.) Still, the Aspers, like their masters to the South, want you to be afraid of this fellow because he's promoting a so-far successful ideological and economic alternative to global American hegemony. They throw the T-bomb around with nothing to back it up, and probably no one will notice.

Among the other articles is the promising headline: Bush praises sacrifice of Idaho military mom. Apparently, haunted by Cindy Sheehan, Bush has gone and got himself his own bereaved military mom! E-points to anyone who can find out her name. Bonus e-points to the first person who can dig up evidence that she's crazy and/or anti-Semitic.

That's about it for today, I guess. I think I'm going to go watch Land of the Dead across the street and maybe call the 700 Club again. That last call was a blast.

* And thank God! Because I used to play baseball in third grade, and were it not for my monolingualism, I too could be the next populist left-wing Latin American leader.